For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
