There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
