he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
