Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
