remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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