physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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