like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
