u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Quick, to the slutcave!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
