WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
