Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
