hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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