We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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