you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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