I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
