i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
