Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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