Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
