why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
