apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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