I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
