i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
