Dude my mom stole all your condoms
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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