Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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