You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
