i would punch a child for taco bell
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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