happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
