My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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