his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am one with the molecules
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
