i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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