I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
