he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
