What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
