so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
