Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
