im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
