your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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