My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
tonight lets celebrate not being married
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
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