Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I love you.
Bad choice
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