She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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