omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
