yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
