how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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