the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
