Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
