Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
