who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
