youre lurking in front of me
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
