I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
