I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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