I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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