its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
