If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
