why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
