The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
