Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
