i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
