I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
