what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
