Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
