I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
