Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
